


epiphany

by Bellum_Intra



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, allusions of rape and assault, not graphic tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellum_Intra/pseuds/Bellum_Intra
Summary: Hey, ya'll! I was going through my docs and found this old scene that I had written nearly 3 years ago. Please ignore the OBVIOUS plot holes as this was a brain dump document. I really have an interest in fleshing this out as a full-fledged story, but I am unsure. Please let me know what ya'll think!Title is from TSwift's folklore, as I have not been able to stop listening to it non-stop.Find me here: bellumintra.tumblr.com
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Original Female Character(s), sandor cleage/sansa stark (mentioned)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, ya'll! I was going through my docs and found this old scene that I had written nearly 3 years ago. Please ignore the OBVIOUS plot holes as this was a brain dump document. I really have an interest in fleshing this out as a full-fledged story, but I am unsure. Please let me know what ya'll think!
> 
> Title is from TSwift's folklore, as I have not been able to stop listening to it non-stop.
> 
> Find me here: bellumintra.tumblr.com

Lyarra stared out the window of her solar watching the waves crash onto the rocks below, cup tightly grasped in her right hand. The breeze coming out of the open windows was cool, and Lyarra relished the feel of it on her face. The silk dress of deep red she wore fluttered in the breeze, and for a small moment, Lyarra didn’t miss her thick, woolen skirts. The south was too hot for her northern blood. The sun seemed to reflect off of the white walls of the castle below, making the castle below her almost glow in the light. 

_ Fucking Lady of Casterly Rock _ , she thought to herself with a snort,  _ Oh brothers, father, what would you think of me now? _

_ That you are a traitor.  _ Their voices seemed to echo in her mind, a painful reflection of her own thoughts, although it had been so long since she’d heard Brandon and Rickard’s voice she couldn’t really be sure it was theirs. She shook her head to clear their thoughts away, and downed the little wine that was in her cup and turned, pouring herself some water.

_ That you are strong. You played the game well. You saved my daughter. _ Ned’s voice filtered through her mind, quiet as the wind. She felt a lump form in her throat, and she coughed to clear it.  _ No use for tears, _ she thought to herself,  _ I’m in the lion's den now.  _

Her mind drifted off to Sansa, hoping that her niece was happy. She had seen the looks the younger Clegane had given Sansa the entire time that they had been in the prison disguised as the Red Keep, and hoped that Sansa was happy with the newly appointed Lord Clegane. She was safe with him, as safe as she could be with the vassal of a Lannister, but safe nonetheless. Sandor would not allow any more harm to come to Sansa, and Lyarra knew that. The Hound himself had said so when the marriage contract had been discussed. 

This was all a farce, she knew, it was a tactical move on her part. The northern forces were growing stronger each and every day. Most of Westeros had been swayed by Robb or Stannis. Sansa was needed in the North-a Stark should always be in Winterfell. Sandor and Sansa were set to leave on the morrow secretly up to Winterfell. Clegane was a soldier through and through, and would be a better benefit to the North than working as a lord of a minor house. 

_ What of my own marriage? What of my husband? _ The thought made her heart seize in her chest. Robb would not have taken kindly to his aunt being married to a Lannister-Jaime Lannister at that. However, Lyarra knew it was necessary. She knew Jaime had an awful reputation:  _ oathbreaker, kingslayer, sister-fucker... _

_ But is he really all they say? _ That little nagging voice in the back of her head said to her.  _ You know better...you know more than Ned knew. _

“Shut up.” she grumbled to herself, adding a bit more wine to her goblet, making a watered down mixture, and turning back to the sea.

“It’s not nice to speak to your lord husband that way.” Came his voice from the door, a small smirk appearing on his features when Lyarra jumped. 

“It’s not wise to surprise your lady wife.” She parried back, smoothing on the mask she had carefully crafted in King’s Landing. However she did not do as well as she thought, bringing her left thumb up to nibble on the nail, before turning back to the window.  _ Remember, pretend you hate him, Lyarra. It’ll hurt less when he’s killed. _ The thought made her gut clench and her eyes began to water. She knew the outcome of this war, if her nephew was to succeed. 

She did not hear him approach her, but kept herself calm when he wrapped his arms around her middle, bending down quite far to place his cheek on the top of her head. “What troubles my lady wife?” He asked. This was the most intimate they had been together. He did not force her to consummate their marriage, instead taking her to bed and snuggling her to sleep. She relaxed a fraction when she felt his voice reverberate through his chest. She hoped he didn’t notice. 

He did.   
  


“There is nothing wrong, my Lord.” she said, continuing to stare out the window. She could see the bright red sail of a Lannister ship off in the distance. 

“You’re lying to me, Lyarra.” he said, a calloused hand traveling up her left arm and gripping her hand loosely, curling his fingers with hers, “you have a wrinkle in your forehead, and you chew on your thumbnail when you are in thought. Please speak with me plainly.”

He grabbed her hips and gently turned her around, until their fronts were flush against one another. Keeping his golden hand on her hip, his left snaked its way into her inky black mane, gently tugging until dark eyes met green. He idly played with one of the many unruly curls while he awaited his answer.

\---------------

Lyarra stood still, eyeing him with an emotion he could not explain. Neither of them understood these intimate moments they shared.  _ Love? _ His mind supplied, and quickly tamped that notion down. She did not love him. Wolves did not love lions.  _ That does not mean lions cannot love wolves. _

Jaime looked at Lyarra, really looked at her, and tried to decipher what could be in those eyes. Lyarra’s time at the Keep had certainly served her well, although her body had the scars to show for it. Her face was impassive, but Jaime could see the worry in her eyes. He knew he cared deeply for Lyarra.  _ More than you ever cared for Cersei. _ That little voice in his mind spoke again, and Jaime’s heart stilled in his chest. 

He needed to be honest with himself, and soon. He did not know what was happening to Lyarra and Sansa while he was gone on his father and sister’s orders for the Lannister army. He remembers the shock at Robb refusing the suggestion of returning him in exchange for Sansa. The night he rode back to the keep, bloodied and broken and missing a hand, he heard in detail what had happened to his good-sister. He had been enraged. Enraged at Joffrey, the other knights in the Guard, Robb Stark, Cersei, and simultaneously heartbroken for the girl. She was so close in age to Myrcella. How would he feel if that had happened to his own daughter? He swore to himself right then, he would break oaths no longer. Sansa Stark would be safe in this place. He would ensure it. If that meant Clegane getting released from his Kinsguard vows and marrying the girl and tucking her away at Clegane Keep, so be it.

The next day in court, he saw Lyarra for the first time since he’d been sent to lead the army at Riverrun. The words  _ broken, whore, unclean _ being whispered around the chamber. She held her head high, although he could tell she was weak and bruised. He inquired with Tyrion what had happened, and Tyrion had said he did not know. Whatever happened to Lyarra had happened in secret. It wasn’t until questioning Clegane himself that he had learned what Slynt and Trant had done to the she-wolf. He felt his ire rising again, cursing his father as well for not being able to control Joffrey and Cersei. Thankfully, Clegane had been at the training grounds and was able to cool Jaime’s head.  _ If you want to help them, you’ll have to play your sister’s game. _ Clegane had told him, and Jaime knew he was right. 

In the end, Tywin had persuaded Joffrey to release Jaime from the kingsguard and marry Lyarra, only to put the beatings to rest. After Lyarra had been proclaimed Lady of Casterly Rock, Jaime began scheming to get Sansa away from the Keep via Clegane.

Jaime knew that he loved his wife, this strong woman in front of him. However, Jaime also knew that the honorable Stark woman would not return his feelings.  _ That’s ok _ , he told himself,  _ I can keep her safe. _ He was so deep into his thoughts that he did not hear Lyarra speaking to him.

“-and then what happens when Robb breaks through the Twins? Stannis has already secured the Stormlands and has the backing of Dorne. What will happen to us, Jaime?”

“What?” Jaime asked, lost in his own head. When he looked down, his little wife was holding back tears. “What happens to us? You? I? I know you have never held Stannis’ favor-and now the entirety of the Seven Kingdoms knows what you and Cersei have done. Robb holds no love for anyone with the last name Lannister. What happens to us?”

He ran a hand through Lyarra’s curls in what he hoped was a soothing manner, while gripping her tighter with his  _ useless _ hand. “Fear not, little wife. You are a Stark through and through. Lord Stark and your good-sister know why you’ve married me. You will be spared.”

Lyarra looked at him again, eyes narrowed. “You only answered half of my question. Cersei will die. What will happen to you?”

Jaime swallowed, knowing the answer. Should Stannis and the Young Wolf break through the Lannister and Frey troops at The Neck, the block would be his fate. He smiled down at Lyarra, but he knew she could tell it wasn’t a true smile. “I will die protecting my wife from those who wish her harm. No one holds sympathy for the dishonored Kingslayer.”

In a display of emotion that shocked him, Lyarra ripped herself from his arms, eyes ablaze. “Don’t say that about yourself!”

“Why?” Jaime asked cynically, “It’s not untrue.”

“Yes it is!” Lyarra stated again, throwing her arms in the air. She paused a moment, eyes shining and chest heaving, and turned to Jaime again. “Why don’t you tell them the truth?”

Jaime stuttered, opened his mouth and shut it again.  _ The truth? _ “What do you know of the truth?” He spat, and instantly regretted it when he saw Lyarra flinch momentarily. The scare was gone soon, however, replaced with the steel that he had come to love in his wife. She walked over to a settee and slumped down on it as if she was exhausted.

“Come here.” she said, gesturing in front of her. In a flash he was kneeling in front of her.  _ Like a dog. _ He could hear his father’s voice in his head, and shook the memories away.

“I was there, you know.” Lyarra said in a voice so incredibly small, Jaime had to strain to hear. 

“Where?” Jaime asked, just as softly.

“The throne room, when you killed him.” Jaime inhaled strongly then, disbelief painted across his face. He nearly fell back on his behind, but somehow managed to stay firmly planted where he was kneeling.

“Lyarra, why?” He asked and Jaime did not recognize his voice. Surely that pain had not come from him? “How old were you? Why were you in the throne room? I was a young knight, and I did not need to be there. Lyarra  _ why?”  _

His little wife looked at him before replying. “What I say does not leave this room. Can I trust you Jaime?”

“Of course.” He breathed before thinking about what he had just agreed to. 

“Rhaegar didn't kidnap my sister. She went with him willingly,” Jaime inhaled sharply, but let Lyarra continue, “I thought we were playing hide and seek, so I came with her. By the time that they saw me, it was too late for us to come back to Winterfell. So I came with them. I was four years old.” Lyarra paused, and Jaime grabbed her hands, encouraging her to continue. “I stayed in the capital. Ser Barriston knew I was hiding behind a pillar and did not allow me to see the Mad King killing my father and brother. When Robert’s forces reached King’s Landing, I was placed in the holdfast. However, I did not stay there. I knew Ned was coming. I was so scared.” She paused to gather herself, her eyes shining with more tears than Jaime had ever seen in her eyes in their short marriage. “ Lyanna had been missing for almost a year. I was alone and scared. So, I left. I ended up in the throne room. I remember him raping his wife, screaming to burn them all.” Lyarra’s paused to clear her throat. “I remember the pyromancers and the wildfire, Jaime. I remember you slitting his throat to save us all. Ned then ran into the throne room. I wished you could have told Ned what had happened. I was so scared that day, Jaime.” She paused and Jaime looked at his wife’s eyes and saw the tears that were running silently down her face. “We would all have been dead had you not killed the King So please, don’t say that about yourself.”

Jamie didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing, but instead grasped her face in his hand, wiped her tears away with his thumb, kissed her forehead and silently left the room. 


End file.
